Mind Body Spirit Presenter Robert Holden talks to us about Self Love. The more you love yourself, the more you notice how much life loves you. All you need is self love.
I once made a woman faint. Not in a good way. It wasn’t that sort of an occasion. Her name was Christine, a single mother, going through a divorce, suffering from several illnesses, including breast cancer. It was our third coaching session, and Christine had been talking for forty-five minutes straight, without taking a breath, reeling off all her faults, lamenting her past mistakes, and explaining why life was so hard.
Christine’s self-attack showed no sign of ceasefire. So, I decided to interrupt her volley with a deliberating provocative question: “What do you love about yourself?” I asked. Christine drew breath, rolled her eyeballs, flipped her head back, and keeled over. Thankfully, she regained consciousness quickly, thus alleviating any fear that I had killed my first patient!
“Loving myself is the last thing on my mind,” said Christine, still half-dazed. Christine’s life plan was: first get well, sort out her life, get a better job, earn more money, raise her daughter, buy her own home, collect her pension, and then love herself! According to Christine, self-love is a trophy you collect for crossing the finishing line. The point I made is that self-love is what you bring with you to the starting line, not the finishing line.
“I don’t know how to love myself,” said Christine. I told her that self-love is not a technique; it is an attitude. Therefore, self-love begins not with a question (How will I love myself?); but with an affirmation (I am willing to love myself). In other words, self-love starts with willingness, and especially the willingness to accept that loving yourself is a good thing for you, for your family, for your friends, for your partner/future partner, and for your life as a whole.
The willingness to love yourself transforms your relationship to your psychology. By affirming, “I am willing to love myself” you open yourself up to a level of thinking that you previously denied yourself. Self-love gives you access to a place in your mind that is free of self-attack in all its guises. Now, instead of making all your decisions based on fear, unworthiness and woundology, you are being guided by grace.
All you need is self love
Self-love raises your so-called “set-point” for happiness, success, abundance and all good things. The happiness “set-point” is governed not by DNA, but by your self-image. Therefore, as you love yourself more, it takes you beyond your old self-image and it’s theories about how much happiness is possible and how much is too good to be true. Your personal allowance for good fortune increases every time you affirm “I will love myself more today.”
The more you love yourself, the more you notice how much life loves you. When you refuse to love yourself, you tell stories about how hard life is, how the world is against you, and how God just isn’t in to you. “Only you can deprive yourself of anything,” states A Course in Miracles. Hence, all these stories fade away as you start to love yourself more. By affirming “I will love myself more today,” you make it easier for everyone to love you, and you open yourself up to all manner of inspiration and miracles.
When you love yourself more it changes you relationship to the past, the present and the future. Self-love stops you living in your past. Forgiveness, which is the highest expression of self-love, also transforms the past by helping you to see it as a lesson rather than a sin, a crime or bad karma. The past was only a classroom, not a jail. Now are free to live in the present, which is your starting line for a wonderful new future.
Most of all, what I wanted Christine to know is that, the willingness to love yourself more is what helps you to show up fully in your own life. Self-love helps you to be less afraid of the present, because you have forgiven the past. Self-love helps you align with love, which is your true power. Now you are someone who brings love with you into your relationships, your work and your life. This is how self-love literally changes the world.
Over several weeks, I supported Christine in moving self-love from the finishing line to the starting line. Soon enough, Christine began to experience some tangible benefits. A year after we had completed our sessions, Christine sent me a card telling me how she was, in her words, “living a new life full of grace and miracles.” On the front of the card was the Beatles’ lyric “All you need is love.” In between the words “is” and “love” Christine had inserted in bold capitals the word “SELF.” All you need is self love.
There is no love without self-love, because love must be for everyone or no one at all. Thus, it is the willingness to love yourself that makes it possible for you to love and be loved. This Is how each of us changes the world. All you need is self-love. From Loveability.
Come along to Robert’s 2 hour workshop ‘Living Your Purpose’ on Friday 29th April from 1.30 - 3.30pm at the London Wellbeing Festival. Book tickets.