''Lovemaking is naturally co-creative. Tantric meditation invites attunement to this generative sexual force, opening you to love and wonder. With clear intention, sexual energy becomes a catalyst for transformation, manifestation and bliss''. Leora Lightwoman on awakening intimacy.
‘I like the picture’ says my 11-year-old son, coming into our bedroom in the morning for a cuddle. The ‘picture’, which has been lovingly blu-tacked to the wall above the bed, is actually a ‘sigil’, a symbolic depiction of my beloved’s and my intentions for our shared future and creative dreams. It has taken a weekend to co-create, discover and emerge as part of our personal ritual of Sexual Magic.
We are very proud of our felt-tipped depiction of a huge vibrant heart, zinging fireworks, sensual curves and stylized depiction of an erect male member (‘vajra’ is the word used in Tantra, meaning ‘Diamond Thunderbolt’), all held and contained in a loving embrace. Within it resonate our intentions for our children, work and our own intimacy, which we have begun to embody in our lovemaking, after much preparation.
The previous weekend we had begun our Sex Magic ritual with a ‘namaste’, a Tantric greeting to acknowledge the divine in each other. We allowed ourselves to directly experience a deep recognition of our shared humanity.
Mark and I have been together for over 4 years, tackling the intricate challenges and beauty of intimate partnership, amidst step families and full time work, whilst also carving out time for romance and discovery. It was our anniversary, and time to envision the next steps for our relationship. We wanted greater ease, harmony, togetherness; we committed to fully supporting our children to flourish and to be truly happy. We envisaged having deeper, more intimate, more frequent, life-affirming and love-generating, truly awesome, sweet, tender and mystical sex.
Just as Mark had been entirely new to the world of Tantra when we met, he was now freshly embarking on this practice of consciously harnessing sexual energy as a catalyst for bringing our intentions more fully to life. I had discovered Sexual Magic 20 years ago, and rejected it as materialistic and ego-centric. Recently I had reframed my understanding and approach. I was ready to discover anew how to conceive, gestate and give birth to our deepest longings. The paradox is that Sexual Magic can arise only out of a place of fully surrendering to what lies beyond our limited thoughts, beliefs and understanding. An intelligence greater than what we think we want. We were ready for revelation. We were ready to open to a greater truth than our own minds could envisage.
What quality of relationship would you like to create? The first step to opening to magic was to open to ourselves. We meditated to develop body-based awareness of being part of a larger whole. We shared deep tissue massage and light sensual touch to open our bodies to greater softness, flow, feeling, sensitivity, aliveness and presence. We both emerged more seaweed-soft, jelly-like, and more open and prone to laughter and tears.
Resting in eye contact, we shared our in-the-moment feelings and body sensations, before beginning a breath meditation to connect our own sexuality and hearts with each other’s forming a continuous loop of sexual-loving-creative energy. I offered Mark my love with a gesture from my heart, as he received it into his, and offered me (with breath, gesture and intention) his sexuality and potency, infused with love. This I gratefully received, drawing it up to my heart.
All this can sound quite ephemeral, but Julian, a lawyer and previous workshop participant, describes it like this: ‘The seemingly endless breathing turned into something quite magical for me. A real piece of unexpected alchemy’.
Doing this practice correctly, lovers, and even two individuals who are not partners, can experience a tangible sense of a ‘third being’, the creative product of their exchange, something beautiful, like a magical gift.
Now it was time to make love, as we felt that we were already doing so.
One key to luscious lovemaking is to become deeply connected before you begin. Tantric practice invokes a quality of wonder and delight, joy and generosity. The Vigyan Bhairav Tantra states:
‘At the start of Sexual Union, keep attentive to the fire in the beginning, and in so continuing, avoid the embers at the end’.
When ‘vajra’ enters ‘yoni’ (meaning ‘sacred place’), you can stay attentive to every moment, every sensation. It helps if you are relaxed, in eye contact, and move slowly. If you develop a taste for noticing the subtle currents of delight, it is possible to discover that vajra and yoni can dance in deliciousness almost of their own accord. Vigorous thrusting, though fabulous, is not the only way. With barely any movement, a whole new level of sensation can emerge within the genitals, which can be sustained and spread through the whole body. Then it is possible to let go of having to rely upon urgent excitement, which peaks, and soon troughs.
Orgasms that occur on purely a genital level are depleting of energy, and ultimately don’t sustain the love and magnetism in a partnership. Sexual intercourse, whether this results in genital orgasm or not, is sustaining when there is a whole-body flow of delight, a whole person expression of love and desire.
The final stage is the sigil. Visualizing this at each of the seven chakras (energy centres in the body) and envisaging, embodying a feeling of the life that the sigil represents as already fully present, we end by ‘shooting’ this intention out into the Universe, the great mystery. And then we let it go…
Just as in an intimate conversation, it is at least equally important to listen, as to say what you really mean, similarly after the ritual, the attitude to life is as important as the ritual itself. We listen and respond to what life shows us, to respond to opportunities to help people and support life in whatever occasions present themselves to us (otherwise known as random acts of love and kindness). We recognize that all our desires may not be actualized in the ways we envisaged, but something else may indeed arise, which, when embraced, may take us to deeper spiritual fulfillment.
Sexual magic can similarly be practiced individually, as a ritual of self-love. Other couples and individuals have shared how they conceived a baby, generated finance for a project, healed relationship problems, become better parents, enjoyed a new level of intimacy and sexual magnetism.
And us? Well, it’s happening…My work is evolving to make more space for family life; our ‘blended family’ has taken a few steps closer. Our communication has become sweeter, and our intimacy more harmonious, wild and fulfilling. Some breakthroughs were preceded by moments of greater chaos. Others just effortlessly occurred. Perhaps these events might have transpired anyway, but we like to think it has something to do with our intentions, our dedication, magic, and that fabulous picture!
Leora will be running a workshop ''Tantra and Sexual Magic', where you can find out how to awakening intimacy at the London Wellbeing Festival on Monday 2nd of May from 3.30 - 5pm. Buy tickets.
For the full workshop schedule visit our website.Book tickets for the festival and download the festival programme to find out who’s on, what’s on and when.